Those with wisdom are not easily depressed, and they can walk out of depression more easily as well. Being depressed is like circling a black hole round and round, some would need a while to crawl out of it, some would go through a long journey, and some would never find their way back.
More than ten years ago, I treated two patients who were a couple. The husband told me a few times that his wife is the wisest person, but he didn’t tell me the reason why he said this. One day, out of curiosity, I asked his wife, “your husband told me you are the wisest person, can you tell me how to be a wise person? I want to learn from you”. Then she told me a story, “once, I found out my husband was having an affair with a much younger woman, then I immersed myself into anger, anxiety and worry, I became depressed. We have a son and a daughter, what should I do? Quarrel with him? Fight with him? Get a divorce? Then what? What could I possibly get from this? Will my home and marriage be kept? I can predict the horrible outcome of doing this. So, I thought if I quarreled, fought and had a divorce because of the pain I had during that period, I couldn’t get what I want—-protecting my family and being with the man I deeply loved. After careful consideration, I invited this young woman to have dinner with us in my house. At the dinner, she saw our two lovely kids and our beautiful house, and I didn’t mention a thing about her relationship with my husband, I just entertained her politely and calmly. Our kids were being polite to her as well (they knew nothing about this at all). After that, the woman quit voluntarily.”
After hearing the story, I admired her for her wisdom. The wise action not only saved her time and energy to complain, to hate and to depress, but also saved a good marriage and a perfect family. This dinner achieved many things in one stroke. Therefore, when we encounter difficult situations and when we walk towards the black hole of depression what should we do? Please use your wisdom, not only your emotions.
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Figure out what you want.
To get what you want may require you not to do things that you prefer to do, such as quarrelling, fighting, drinking and doing drugs. And also it may require you to do things you are not willing to do, such as confronting, tolerating, considering and eventually figuring out what you really want.
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Ask yourself what you are depressed about and why.
Some depressed people do not know what they are depressed about. What you need to do is to ask yourself and give yourself an honest answer. “Is it worth it?”, “What am I worrying or being terrified about?”, “What is the worst situation?”, “What should I do?” We all know that problems always have two sides. It is wise to look at the bright side with an optimistic perception.
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Admit and accept reality.
Facing the reality that can’t be changed, we have to admit, accept, and face it. Otherwise you would bear double of the suffering and punishment to yourself. Only by admitting and accepting the reality can you let it go and walk towards freedom.
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Try not to give in to blind emotions, since blind emotions always wear you out and lead you into a deeper black hole.
When you think you are at the edge of the black hole, try to grab a piece of paper and write down these negative emotions, then read them out loud. Train yourself to form this habit, and you will find you walk further and further away from depression. Because wisdom will bring you a calm and joyful attitude, it will guide you to what you really want, and strengthen your self-confidence as well. This is truly a stroke of genius.
Prevention and wisdom are the two principles of Traditional Qi.
Written by Angela Zhu, Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner, Qi Gong & Tai Chi instructor.
Translated by Janet Zheng
© Copyright Angela Zhu 2011
I’ve cut myself boerfe. I did it a couple of times after and always felt like an idiot afterwards. I’ve been through depressed stages since i was 12 and just felt like no body cared or understood who i was. I am now 15 and this year has been rough, with death, my friend trying to kill herself, my parents splitting up and more troubles. It’s just everynight I go to bed and cry myself to sleep. I cant really talk to people about it because I feel as though I’m not worth it or its not important
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